Episode 3 - The Bad For You Show

Once every couple months or so, Roxanne heads out for a few days on a business trip. After the obligatory "Who's gonna feed the dogs?" and "What am I going to eat?", I get to thinking "What would Paula Deen do?"

Here are three of my favorite batching it recipes: Buffalo wings, a blooming onion and lime cheesecake. The wings and cheesecake are very easy to make. The only challenge with the blooming onion is cutting it up, but the job is tremendously easier if you use an onion bloomer.

Special thanks go to UK DJ Noriko, aka James Postlethwaite, for allowing us to close this episode with his creation "Hitachi HDD Project" created entirely out of the sounds Hitachi hard drives make when they're failing.




Buffalo wings
Prep time: 30 minutes
Cooking time: 15 minutes
Serves 4-6
Special tools: Deep fryer or deep skillet

Ingredients:
Vegetable oil for frying
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup Crystal Louisiana Hot Sauce or Frank's Red Hot Cayenne Sauce
Dash of ground pepper
Dash of garlic powder
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/3 teaspoon salt
20 chicken wing pieces

Directions

1. Heat vegetable oil in a deep skillet or fryer to 375 degrees.
2. Combine butter, hot sauce ground pepper and garlic powder in a small saucepan. Heat until butter melts and ingredients are blended.
3. Combine flour, paprika, cayenne pepper and salt in a small bowl.
4. Wash and pat dry wings and put them in a large bowl. Sprinkle flour mixture over them so they're coated evenly. Stick the wings in the fridge for 90 minutes.
5. Mix individual bowls of bleu cheese dressing with extra bleu cheese crumbs. Wash and cut celery into three inch pieces. Set these aside.
6. Put the wings in the hot oil and cook for 10-15 minutes until they start to turn brown. Remove and place on a plate covered with a paper towel to drain.
7. As soon as they've drained, put them in a large bowl or Tupperware container and pour on the hot sauce. Mix them so they're evenly coated.
8. Serve wings with celery sticks and bleu cheese dressing.

Onion Bloom
Prep time: 35 minutes
Cooking time: 10-15 minutes each
Serves 2-4
Special tools: Deep fryer, deep skillet; onion bloom cutter (recommended)

Dipping sauce
Ingredients:
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons ketchup
2 tablespoons cream-style horseradish
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon dried oregano
Dash coarse ground pepper
Dash cayenne pepper

1. Combine all ingredients in a small bowl, cover it and stick it in the refrigerator until you need it.

Onion Blossom
Ingredients:
1 egg
1 cup milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 1/2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon paprika
1/2 teaspoon course ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano
1/8 teaspoon dried thyme
1/8 teaspoon cumin
1 jumbo Vidalia or sweet yellow onion (3/4 pound or more)
Vegetable oil for frying

Directions

1. Beat the egg and combine with milk in a bowl large enough to hold the onion.
2. In a different bowl, mix flour, salt, cayenne and black pepper, paprika oregano, thyme and cumin.
3. Slice 3/4 inch off the top of the onion and remove the papery skin part.
4. Now comes the most challenging part - blooming the onion.
5. Use a big, very sharp sharp non-serrated-edge knife and cut the onion 3/4 of the way down. You need to cut it up to 16 times. The easiest way to do it is to pick up an onion bloom cutter off ebay - $3. The final slices are touchy, but you can do it. It might not be perfect, but it will still look great.
6. Once the onion is cut, drop it in boiling water for two to five minutes, then cold water for one minute. This will loosen up the petals and make it substantially easier to coat the onion with the bread coating.
7. Set the onion on a plate and use the point of a knife to tug the petals apart. They want to stick together.
8. Dip the onion in the milk mixture, set it on a plate and coat it with the dry mixture. Coat it as evenly as possible. Once coated, you can dip it back in the milk, then back to the plate and coat it again with the dry stuff. It's not necessary, but ensures more breading.
9. Stick the onion in the fridge for 15 minutes. Start heating the oil and get it up to 375 degrees.
10. When the oil is ready, drop the onion in right side up. Cook 10 minutes or until it turns brown. When it's done, remove it from the oil and set it on a plate with paper towels to dry.
11. As the oil drains, use the point of a steak knife to open the petals to make it look like a bloom.
12. Serve with individual bowls or one big bowl of the dipping sauce.

Key Lime Cheesecake
Prep time: 40 minutes
Cooking time: 50-60 minutes (plus one more hour to cool in the fridge)
Serves 4-6
Special tools: An 8-inch spring form pan ($7-$20)

Ingredients:
2 cups Graham cracker crumbs
6 tablespoons butter, melted
1 cup plus 1 tablespoon sugar
3 8-ounce packages cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup fresh lime juice (5-6 limes)
3 eggs
Whipped cream

Directions

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees
2. Crush Graham crackers and mix crumbs with butter and 1 tablespoon butter in a bowl. Coat all crumbs. Keep it crumbly.
3. Press crumbs into bottom and sides of spring form pan. Have the crumbs go half way up the sides of the pan. This is supposed to take 1 3/4 cups of Graham crackers, but I always make extra to use as Spackle for the thin spots.
4. Bake in oven for 5 minutes, then set it aside.
5. In a bowl, combine cream cheese, 1 cup sugar and vanilla. Mix (with a blender if you have one) until they're smooth. Add lime juice and eggs and mix until creamy.
6. Pour this filling into Graham cracker crust pan.
7. Fill a Pyrex pan with water and place it on the bottom of the oven or on a rack below the cheesecake. The water will keep the cheesecake from collapsing when you take it out of the oven and it also allows for more even cooking of the filling.
   
8. Bake for 50-60 minutes. When the top of the cheesecake turns light brown, it's done.
9. Set it aside to cool. Once it's at room temperature, stick it in the fridge for at least an hour to chill. Once it's cold, pop the spring on the pan. You can now cut it and go nuts with the whipped cream.